5 Sleep Training Methods: You Need to Know Before Starting

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Disclaimer: This post is written by a mother and is intended for general education purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Are you a parent, worn out and sleep-deprived, contemplating sleep training your baby but anxious about the potential psychological effects?

As a new parent, getting enough sleep can seem like an impossible dream. With a newborn in the house, you might find yourself waking up every few hours to feed, change, and soothe your little one. It’s no wonder that many parents turn to sleep training to help their baby learn to sleep through the night. But what exactly is sleep training, and is it right for your family?

Most importantly, does sleep training even work?

Sleep training is a hotly debated topic among millennial parents. You’ll encounter seasoned mums who staunchly advocate for it, while others will assert it’s the worst possible thing you could do to your child.

So, who do you listen to?

As a mum of two, I’ve experimented with numerous sleep training methods over the years. I can confidently tell you that sleep training is very challenging, whichever method you choose. The key is to be consistent and firm. After all is said and done, you might even discover that sleep training isn’t the right fit for your family, and that’s perfectly fine.

In this post, we’ll explore the basics of sleep training for babies, including different methods and approaches, as well as some important things to consider before you start the process. Whether you’re a first-time parent or a seasoned pro, understanding the ins and outs of sleep training can help you and your baby get the rest you need to thrive.

I’ll also share our journey of sleep training our two kids from a mum’s perspective. I’ll evaluate the 5 sleep training methods, discuss their pros and cons, their effectiveness for us, and how you can implement them too. Let’s dive in.

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Signs That Your Baby is Ready for Sleep Training

Sleep training can be a successful tool for helping babies learn to sleep through the night. However, not all babies are ready for sleep training at the same time. Here are some signs that your baby may be ready for sleep training:

• Your baby is between 4 and 6 months old.
• Your baby is healthy and gaining weight appropriately.
• Your baby can fall asleep on their own without being rocked, bounced, or fed to sleep.
• Your baby wakes up at night but doesn’t need to be fed to go back to sleep.
• Your baby is showing signs of being tired at regular intervals throughout the day.

If your baby is showing these signs, they may be ready to start sleep training. However, it’s important to note that every baby is different, and some babies may not be ready for sleep training until they are a little older. It’s always a good idea to consult with your pediatrician before starting any sleep training program.

Different Sleep Training Methods – Pros and Cons

The Cry It Out Method

The Cry It Out (CIO) method involves allowing your baby to cry for a predetermined amount of time before going in to comfort them. The length of time is gradually increased until your baby learns to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own.

Letting your baby cry it out is probably the most controversial sleep training method you’ve heard the most about. In my opinion, it’s also one of the hardest methods for any sleep-deprived parent. I can’t comment on whether this method is psychologically damaging to your baby, but I can say, from experience, that it is somewhat psychologically damaging to the parent (me!).

Our Experience with the Cry It Out Method

I gave the Cry It Out Method a go with both of my bubs and in all honesty, calling it a traumatic experience is an understatement. They’d scream and cry for over an hour before finally dozing off from sheer exhaustion. The sound of their cries was so excruciating that I found myself sitting on the toilet, hands covering my ears, also “crying it out” due to overwhelming feelings of mum guilt, lack of sleep, and maybe even a touch of postnatal depression.

Honestly, I thought I could handle it all after going through labour. But the little devils kept waking up every hour or so at night, meaning I had to repeat the whole process over and over again. After a few days of this, I was just grateful that no one in the family committed any crimes.

Why the Cry It Out Method didn’t work for us

• My partner was running a business and he had to sleep.
• We had no parents to rotate shifts and we weren’t in a position to hire external help. We flew our in-law over to help and she fled shortly after.
• I had a 4yo in the other room.
• We were conscious of the disturbance to our neighbours.
• The Cry It Out Method worked temporarily for my first baby. However, the good sleep didn’t last due to sickness, growth spurts, sleep regression, etc. and we had to repeat the process periodically.

Cry It Out Method can be effective if:

• Your entire family is on board with the Crying It Out Method.
• Your partner and parents can rotate night shifts with you consistently on an ongoing basis.
• No one in your household needs to go to work early the next day.
• You have no other children to worry about.
• Your home is soundproof and you don’t have nosy neighbours who might share their concerns.
• You’re not faint-hearted.

The Ferber Method

The Ferber Method, also known as “progressive waiting,” involves gradually increasing the amount of time you wait before going in to comfort your baby.

Out of all the sleep training methods, the Ferber method was our favourite as it worked well for us, but only for a short period of time. I do agree with the saying that letting your baby cry for a short time helps them learn how to self-soothe.

The difference between the Ferber Method and Crying It Out is that with the Ferber Method, the crying is done in a controlled environment. And because it’s a flexible and gradual approach, it allows parents to provide comfort and reassurance at regular intervals without putting emotional stress on both the baby and the parent.

Our Experience with the Ferber Method

When we were first-time parents in the early days, allowing our baby to cry for longer than two minutes was stressful for the entire family. However, as we continued to practice the Ferber Method, we developed some tolerance for the cries without feeling like we were neglecting our baby.

The key shift in mentality was that “allowing a little bit of crying can help them learn how to self-soothe.”

We gradually increased the amount of time we let our baby cry before providing comfort. Though it was heartbreaking to hear our little one cry, we pushed through until the 40-minute mark, at which point he was able to sleep long enough for us to catch some rest too.

While the Ferber Method did help to extend the duration of our baby’s sleep, I still found myself waking up multiple times at night for breastfeeding.

Why we stopped using the Ferber Method:

• I found that the only way to be consistent with the Ferber Method was to wean my baby off breastfeeding first, and that was another challenge that we’ll save for another post.
• I often fell asleep comforting my baby and found him instinctively latched on to my breast without me knowing. We broke the pattern pretty quickly.
• Along with all the reasons mentioned above in CIO, such as no help to alternate night shifts and repeatedly going back to square one due to sickness and growth spurt.

The Ferber Method can be effective if you:

• Have someone rotating night shifts with you.
• If you can be consistent and have flexible work arrangements. It’s important to stick to the Ferber Method every time when your baby is going through a growth spurt, sickness or sleep regression.
• It’s much easier if you are bottle-feeding your baby. While personal preferences may vary, I’m all for breastfeeding so that wasn’t something I was willing to compromise on.

The Chair Method

The Chair Method involves sitting in a chair next to your baby’s crib while they fall asleep. Over time, you gradually move the chair further away until you are out of the room entirely.

The first thought that crossed my mind when I read about the Chair Method was, “I’ll probably fall asleep in that chair faster than my baby.”

While the Chair Method may appear promising, let me remind you that sitting in a (rocking) chair, singing lullabies in a dark room, especially as a sleep-deprived parent, would require very strong doses of caffeine to stay awake.

Speaking of which…

Our Experience with the Chair Method

I tried the Chair Method, and it seemed like my baby accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to sleep with him. However, the problem was that he had to hold my hand to sleep, and he would wake up the moment I slipped my hand out. Without touching any part of my body, the Chair Method wasn’t any different from the Cry It Out or Ferber Method.

Perhaps I needed to wait longer for him to enter the deep sleep cycle, but on average, the Chair Method took around an hour or more. By then, my already sore back had become even stiffer.

I found myself dozing off a couple of times, and my partner simply fell asleep in the chair during every shift. On top of that, my baby would wake up in the middle of the night looking for us, meaning one of us had to get out of bed and repeat the sitting session again.

Why the Chair Method didn’t last for us:

• Our baby adopted a new habit of holding our hand to sleep and waking up looking for our hands, which defeated the purpose of ‘independent sleeping’.
• It took a long time sitting in a back-breaking and arm-breaking position, waiting for our baby to enter the deep sleep cycle.

The Chair Method can be effective if:

1. Your baby is happy for you to sit on the side without clinging onto any part of you.
2. Your baby has a consistent bedtime routine and falls asleep fast.
3. You’re physically strong enough to sit in a chair for an extended period of time.
4. You have someone to rotate shifts with you.

The Bedtime Fading Method

The Bedtime Fading Method involves observing your baby’s sleep cues, attempting to put them to sleep again after a certain time if they don’t fall asleep initially, and gradually shifting their bedtime earlier until it aligns with your desired bedtime.

First of all, recognising a baby’s sleep cues is a skill for new parents to learn. Every baby is different and gives different cues. With our first baby, we weren’t equipped to read any of her cues before she went straight to “purple hour.”

For the Bedtime Fading Method to be effective, it’s important to have a team working together.

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Our Experience with the Bedtime Fading Method

Although my midwife had briefed me on bedtime routines and reading sleep cues, they seemed more predictable in books than in reality. It wasn’t until I was on the verge of a breakdown with her “purple hour” during dinnertime that I discovered infants tend to finish their day around our dinnertime.

That’s when I decided to give the Bedtime Fading Method a try. Although it didn’t work for me immediately, I noticed gradual improvements with a lot of patience.

Why the Bedtime Fading Method wasn’t realistic for us:

• As a new mom, I found it incredibly challenging to interpret my baby’s sleep cues accurately.
• If I didn’t time her bedtime perfectly, my baby would either become extremely fussy or refuse to sleep altogether.
• Regardless of the time we attempted to put our baby to sleep, she would burst into tears the moment we even hinted at putting her down.
• There was no one there to help us keep track of time while we desperately tried to soothe our baby.
• In our frantic efforts to meet specific timing goals, we often unintentionally ended up overstimulating her.
• The repetitive lifting of our baby in and out of the cot took a toll on our backs and energy.
• We frequently found ourselves staying awake well past our own bedtimes, let alone our baby’s designated bedtime. It was a situation where no one was content.

The Bedtime Fading Method can be effective if:

• You’re not breastfeeding. To be honest, you may not even have to sleep train this hard if you’re not breastfeeding, but again, I’m an advocate of breastfeeding babies so I do not recommend compromising breastfeeding for sleep. (I breastfed both of mine until they were 2 and a half. Yup…)
• You have an ergonomic bedding arrangement at home.
• You have help from family members and your baby is equally attached to them.
• You have someone to keep track of time while you’re juggling a dozen other baby tasks.
• When your baby wakes up in the middle of the night, do you have the time and patience for this method?

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The Pick Up, Put Down Method

The Pick Up, Put Down Method, also known as the No Tears Method, involves picking up your baby when they cry and putting them back down when they stop.

This method is the quickest way to break your back, period. To be honest, if this method works for your baby, it’s likely that your baby’s sleep patterns aren’t bad enough to require sleep training in the first place.

Neither my back nor my core strength was strong enough for this type of sleep training method, and I would not recommend it to mothers who are still recovering from postpartum.

Our Experience with the Pick up, Put down Method

I tried this method with my first baby when she was sleeping in her cot. The moment I leaned forward, she knew she was going to bed without me and would start crying right away. I’d pick her up, comfort her, and repeat the process until it became too painful for me to put her down again.

It felt as though there was an invisible trigger line right along the rim of the cot that we simply couldn’t overcome.

The Pick up, Put down Method gradually transformed into the Crying It Out Method because we were too exhausted.

Why the Pick Up, Put Down Method didn’t work out:

• Our baby didn’t let us put her down without a fight in the first place, and yes, this was the case even after we learned to read baby sleep cues.
• It took us a long time to calm her down and even longer to be able to put her down again; we’re talking hours.
• It was back-breaking.
• There was no way we could have done the pick-up and put-down again when she woke up in the middle of the night.
• Our baby was very persistent!

The Pick up, Put down Method can be effective if:

• Your baby hasn’t started rolling and crawling yet. Hence why it’s best to sleep train them around 4 months old.
• You have a cot or bedside bassinet that is the right height and has an ergonomic design for your back.
• You have a team to rotate with you.
• You have the patience of a saint.
• You enjoy weight training at night.

Preparing for Sleep Training

Before starting sleep training, it’s important to create a sleep-friendly environment and establish a consistent sleep routine. Here are some tips for preparing for sleep training:

Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment

• Keep the room dark, cool, and quiet.
• Use a white noise machine to block out background noise.
• Use a comfortable mattress and bedding.
• Use a sleep sack or swaddle to keep your baby comfortable and secure.

Establish a Consistent Sleep Routine

• Establish a consistent bedtime and wake-up time.
• Create a relaxing bedtime routine, such as a bath, massage, or storytime.
• Avoid stimulating activities before bedtime, such as screen time or rough play.
• Put your baby to bed drowsy but awake.

By creating a sleep-friendly environment and establishing a consistent sleep routine, you can help your baby learn to associate sleep with their crib and create positive sleep habits.

Common Mistakes to Avoid During Sleep Training

Sleep training can be challenging, and it’s easy to make mistakes along the way. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:

• Starting too early. It’s important to wait until your baby is developmentally ready for sleep training.
• Giving up too soon. It can take time for sleep training to work, so it’s important to be patient and consistent.
• Inconsistency. Inconsistency can confuse your baby and make sleep training more difficult.
• Ignoring your baby’s needs. It’s important to respond to your baby’s needs, even during sleep training.

By avoiding these common mistakes, you can make the sleep training process smoother and more successful.

The effectiveness of sleep training depends on a few factors

After trying every sleep training method, I’ve come to the realisation that your lifestyle plays a huge role in sleep-training your baby if you choose to sleep-train your baby at all. If you’re a stay-at-home mum who has the luxury of napping during the day with external help, you may not want to put yourself or your baby through the hard yards at all.

Things to consider before sleep training your baby:

• Do you need to return to work or have a business to run?
• Do you have parents or live-in au pair to help?
• Is your partner in a position to help or does he need his sleep?
• What’s your health condition and are you mentally strong enough to sleep train?
• Do you have other children or elderly sleeping in the same house?
• Have you been breastfeeding your baby to sleep? (sleeping habits to break?)
• What’s your living arrangement? (how soundproof is your home, how many bedrooms, does your baby sleep in a cot, bedside bassinet or sharing a bed with you? etc)

Alternative Approaches to Sleep Training – Co-Sleeping, Attachment Parenting

Sleep training isn’t for everyone, and there are alternative approaches to helping your baby sleep through the night. Co-sleeping, or sharing a bed with your baby, and attachment parenting, which focuses on building a strong emotional bond between parent and child, are two popular alternative approaches.

So what did we end up doing?

Sorry to disappoint you, but we didn’t find the perfect sleep training method that worked for us. I chose to co-sleep and breastfeed both my babies until they were two and a half years old. Despite the risks associated with co-sleeping with a baby, breastfeeding my baby to sleep was the most heartwarming moment of the day. And after all of that, I realised sleep training wasn’t for us, but we turned out okay anyway.

Since becoming a mother, I no longer sleep as deeply as I used to. Perhaps that’s a new instinct all moms pick up so that we can stay somewhat alert to our baby’s needs even during our sleep.

Our daughter gradually transitioned to sleeping in her own bed after the arrival of our son when she was around 3 years old. By that point, she was able to understand and communicate effectively with us using words. Although she still puts up a fight every now and then, the process was much smoother than sleep training.

Update

Fast forward to the time of editing this post, my daughter is now 6 years old and my son is 3 years old. My son went through the same process as my daughter when she was 3. We encouraged him to sleep in his own bed but never forced him if he didn’t want to.

On some days, he’d happily slip into his own bed and on other days, he still prefers to lie on my arm. I enjoy holding my children to sleep and loving every minute of our bedtime talk until we fall asleep.

On another thought, wouldn’t it be easier if we just sleep-trained ourselves? So when our baby sleeps, we hit the switch and sleep too. Now that’s wishful thinking.

Hang in there my friend! You’ll get through it just like the rest of us! I wish from the bottom of my heart that you find an approach to sleep training that works best for your family. ♡

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